[for Sirius]

[useabezoar]

It had started out as simple snooping. There were records on the island, of past events, past inhabitants, so on and so forth. He was bored, and the bookshelves in the rec room weren't cooperating with him, so he went elsewhere in search of information.

And oh, did he find it in the island's public records.

He sort of wished that he hadn't.

He'd been poking around the public records that the council kept. Births, deaths, et cetera, et cetera, boring boring boring.

Snape was half-heartedly flipping through the marriage registry, which was also boring, up until his the moment when own name jumped out at him on the page. Right there in front of him, in crisp handwriting, was a documented marriage between himself and Regulus Black, many years ago.

He most certainly did not marry Regulus Black, not in this life or any other life, thank you very much.

"What the hell is this?" he snapped, glaring hard at the page. If looks could kill, the paper would be up in flames by now.

Comments

[blackedout]

Sirius Black was not mates with Severus Snape. Both of them seem in total agreement to this fact despite that they have, somehow, managed to be more than civil in each others presence lately. There's a strange, sad bond that ties them together, but they aren't friends, regardless of how it might seem from the outside.

Case in point: It's still instinctive for Sirius to suspect Snape of something nefarious when the surly bastard gets to snooping around, and just as instinctive for Sirius to follow along with the hope of catching him in the act. Catching him in the act is a bit more casual these days, and involves more leaning casually in doorways with a cup of coffee than any actual sneaking, but the point is, Sirius is there.

"Filing an affidavit certifying how much you're secretly in love with me?" he asks, bony hip propped against the door frame as he sips from his cup. "Aww, Snivelly, you could have just said!"

[useabezoar]

Snape flushed ever so slightly and pressed his hands tight overtop of the registry book, hiding the offending entry from sight. This was the last thing he needed, for Sirius Black to discover this little bit of island past. Even if it didn't mean anything here and now, it still wasn't a good path to go down.

"I'm glad to see you're as delusional as always," Snape retorted instead. "Do you spend more time fantasizing about me, or your missing mate, Potter?" It was a low blow, but also an easy one, and all he hoped to do was deflect from this awkward revelation in the council's records.

[blackedout]

Back home, the insult would have swept by Sirius with virtually no impact whatsoever; he'd fielded much worse accusations, and many of them from Snape himself. It isn't even a new jab, and has about it the awkward desperation of their school days. Here, though, it hits home, and that fact alone is enough for irritation to boil up hot from Sirius' gut. He is not supposed to care what Snape says, not ever.

Sirius' eyes narrow as he slowly lowers his cup.

"What are you doing in here, Snivellus?" he asks, and pushes off the door frame so that he's effectively blocking the way out.

[useabezoar]

Snape shifted around, still trying to casually block the book from view, and largely failing. He couldn't protect his own space as well as the book, and something had to be sacrificed.

"Investigating," he said instead, hoping to deflect Sirius via the pursuit boring knowledge. "There are years and years worth of records here. Island history, major events. There must be something worthwhile in all of this mess."

[blackedout]

"Something worthwhile about whom?" Sirius asks, and his eyes dart down to the desk and the book Snape's positioned himself in front off. With a roll of his eyes Sirius steps fully into the room. "It completely fucking baffles me how you ever fooled anyone about anything," he says, and elbows the other man out of the way.

Marriage Registry reads the tidy block writing on the front of the book, and Sirius frowns. Fortunately he has the forethought to set aside his cup of coffee, as what he finds when he flips open the front cover is enough to make him drop or throw anything in his hands.

He'd not even known Regulus had been on the island.

Body reacting before Sirius has any time to think about it, between one heartbeat and the next he's grabbed hold of Snape by the front of the shirt and backed him up against the nearest wall.

"You fucked my little brother?" he asks, eyes flashing.

[useabezoar]

Snape yelped and squirmed under Sirius' grasp, trying to break free and utterly failing. This was exactly why he'd wanted to hide this from Sirius, because while Snape limited his discovery to a mild sense of confusion, Sirius would always take it to the extreme.

"Not me," he said, reaching up to try to work his shirt out from Sirius' fingers. "Not me, I never. I don't know what this is. Another me." Well, he did, in a way, but he didn't think that Sirius wanted the logical, rational explanation when he was ready to put Snape through a wall.

[blackedout]

Snape has never made it a secret that he thinks Sirius stupid, and perhaps were Sirius a bully of the typical stripe, it might be true. Being reactive and cruel doesn't negate intelligence, though, not at Hogwarts and not here, and after a beat Sirius narrows his eyes, hands still fisted in the front of Snape's shirt.

"Not here. Back home."

Regulus had been at school with them, had thrown in with the Death Eaters around the same time as Snape. Their parents had quietly supported the decision, of course, but Regulus hadn't been stupid, either. Just naive.

The perfect target for someone like Snape, who had a particular loathing for Regulus' older brother.

[useabezoar]

"Not back home, either," Snape denied. He scowled deeply at Sirius. The truth of it was, he hadn't. Oh, they'd known each other, of course, maybe even been something like friends, or as close to that as Snape would ever allow himself to be, but that was as far as it had ever gone.

"Will you let me go," he said, batting at Sirius' hand. "I never fucked your brother, now let me go."

He didn't say that he'd never thought about it.

[blackedout]

It's clear enough that Snape is telling the truth, but it still takes Sirius a long moment to reconcile that with the idea that blame has to fall elsewhere. Against all odds, Sirius had begun to feel something of a kinship with Snape—Not friendship, but the solidarity of experiences shared, feelings understood—and this feels like the sharp slap of betrayal.

When he releases Snape, it's as abruptly as he grabbed him, hands and body both jerked away as Sirius paces to the other side of the room. A good distance between them, he stops and looks back at the man he just assaulted.

"You wanted to," he accuses, as if that's any sort of crime. Regulus was a Black, and Sirius' little brother besides; a lot of people had wanted to shag him. "He dies, you know. Trying to get back at You-Know-Who, he fucking dies, and you get to shag him when I've not seen him since I left school!"

Frustrated, he kicks out at a nearby chair, toppling it onto its side with a clatter. It doesn't make him feel much better.

[useabezoar]

Snape huffed angrily and smoothed out the front of his shirt. "It's not my fault that some other version of me fucked your dead brother." He took a tentative step away from the wall, but didn't dare get any closer to Sirius.

"I'd wondered what happened to him. When a -- when someone disappears for that long, back then, one could only assume the worst." He was sorry, sorry for Sirius' loss, sorry for Regulus, sorry for them all, for the terrible mistakes they'd made, but he wouldn't say it. Not out loud, and not to Sirius. "He was smart. I'd hoped for better, for him."

[blackedout]

Anger and despair pulses through Sirius for one white-hot moment but then abates to a low, tolerable hum when Snape continues. Had they been younger, had Sirius known just a bit less than he presently did, he might have tried to do Snape a harm for the first flippant remark. As it is, he swallows back the impulse and turns his hate inward, where it seems more appropriate these days.

"So had I," Sirius allows in gruff reply. He debates telling Snape what Regulus had done, how key he'd ultimately been before he sacrificed himself, but it somehow feels like betraying a trust. Perhaps part of him will always balk at sharing a confidence with Severus Snape.

[useabezoar]

Well, at least that, they could agree on. "It was a cruel time for everyone," Snape said, looking at his shoes. "Some more than others." They all deserved better than what they ended up with. Not that Snape thought he deserved much anymore -- what with being a traitor, and a useless one at that, not even able to stop the one thing he'd defected for. He should have been willing to die for Lily, and he couldn't even get that right.

And, worse, it wasn't even over. None of their sacrifices mattered, if the Dark Lord was just going to pop up years later to try it all over again. The island didn't take any of that away. It wasn't a blank slate, not the way people tried to make it out to be.